GARBAGE!

S for Sheila

Wednesday is garbage day here on Lowell Street. The boys are in charge of getting the garbage out of the house and to the curb. They usually upset me by forgetting to put new bags into the various cans around the house, or forgetting the recycling, or some other trivial matter that doesn't meet my exacting standards. I'm used to it, and really, they've gotten used to being grounded too.

Well, I thought my standards were exacting until Wednesday afternoon when I came to realize that there is a higher and much more demanding garbage authority. That's the day I found a yellow tag neatly affixed to my garbage can handle listing 23 (!!!!!!) posible garbage infractions. According to the tiny check mark, I was guilty of infraction #11 listed as "excessive volume of garbage". The wonder of it all!!! Who could fathom a family of 8 having more than 35 gallons of garbage in a week.

Honestly though, the fact that I was guilty of #11 is not what makes my head spin around. It's the fact that I had no idea there were so many trivial rules governing my God given right to throw crap away. Seriously, #4 is listed as "Please set out by 6:00 a.m." HUH!! Are they watching us from satelites, because unless they catch you dragging it to the curb as they are driving up, HOW DO THEY KNOW!?! #22 is equally ridiculous. It reads at follows..." Yard Waste sticker not facing street when Yard Waste Crew collected and left the area." You mean to tell me that if I have my garbage turned the wrong direction they won't pick it up?!! I never knew that my garbage collectors were Pharasees. #23 is the clincher though. It's a fill-in-the-blank space!! This gives me an idea. Here it is..... Next Wednesday I'm going to secure both of my garbage cans closed in miles of duct tape and then leave a big sign with an arrow pointing to the secret location of my "excessive volumes" of garbage. I'll do it all before 6 a.m. though and then they will have no choice but to mark me down for a #23 violation! Take that garbage Pharisees!!!







H FOR HANNAH

I don't have to worry that much about garbage except for throwing it away.



A is for AyBaa

There once was a girl with some trash

she kept in a big secret stash

she tried to dispose

'fore it all decomposed

23. __________________